When I was on the plane coming back to Buffalo from Albuquerque I almost got hit
in the head when someone was getting a backpack out of the overhead bin. Southwest is not as bad as planes where they charge for a bag and everyone has carry-ons stowed. However I remembered a solution I'd come upon when the pay for your bag rule went into effect.
TRAVELING
LIGHT
Having grown up in an age where
one dressed to travel and being born a Virgo
i.e. having to be prepared for any
event, weather change, emergency, I
always
overpack, at least until a
nightmare trip where I was lifting a suitcase weighing at lest sixty pounds for
a full day delay around a terminal where the loudspeaker bleated on and on
about unattended bags being confiscated.
Sure, the suitcase was wheeled, but add an old thirty pound laptop
(state of the art when laps were bigger) and a purse and a backpack containing
necessities in case the big bag got lost which it did, and you have a hundred
pound woman schlepping her body weight around a terminal and nowhere is there a
cart or a porter And the only men looking interested in aiding you spoke with a
foreign accent and were probably terrorists wanting to plant a bomb.
Living
out of a backpack (and a small one to boot) was not impossible, I learned on
another trip while the airline was trying to rescue my bag from a plane bound for
Tibet. One merely had to utilize those
inborn Virgo talents for neatness and
analytical ability. And, one was
free of the enormous weight and responsibility and vigilance that the
hundredweight bag required. Why would I haul a laptop across the world
when email kiosks and internet cafes were everywhere. And sloughing off the laptop, what about the
clothes? Could they be sloughed? Can one return to those carefree hippie days
of yore when one didn’t have to worry about a change of underwear because one
didn’t wear any?
What
if one designed a travel wardrobe – so compact, so marvelously inspired, that
you could go two weeks living out of a fanny pack, I asked myself. My course was clear. There was a niche and I would fill it (or
perhaps, empty it). .
I had already
looked at the catalogs with travel clothes, as I do like to be prepared for all
emergencies. But these clothes were only nonwrinklable or nonbulky and hand
washable. They were made of fabrics concocted in a chemistry lab. They were usually so ordinary that strangers
on streets in foreign capitals would
point you out and smile, to their
companions saying by way of explanation -
royoko kimono, voyage ensemble,
‘medican!
Additionally the existing catalogs forced you
to color coordinate an entire wardrobe and then you’d be left with these
ghastly clothes you’d never wear again until your next trip when they would be
totally out of style, out of date. I
mean how long will broomstick skirts be around.
When I saw my
first pair of pants that were made to zip off just at the knees to make
shorts, the idea sprang fully formed
into my head: a travel outfit composed
entirely of zipable parts which would serve in any of the various capacities a
traveler might encounter a need for.
For example, a
pair of slacks which would zip to shorts, the two pieces which were once the
trouser bottoms would become variously - a sun hat and a suntop which might
double as a bathing suit top or a night on the town strapless evening top.
The remaining
pants might zip off further into a bathing suit
bottom and/or with a mere shift of zippers, a matching miniskirt. Make your own style. All you need is nerve and what do all these
foreign strangers know anyway?
Further,
one of the legs from these pants could
be zipped into a sunhat or a rainhat.
Two legs could be zipped into long sleeves in case of chilly day. They might also be zipped together and form a
stole for a more formal occasion. One
leg bottom might be zipped into a carryall for lunches, bottled water, cameras
etc. if you feel those accoutrements are necessary.
The topmost part of the slacks could
have a built in money belt where you could stash passport, credit cards, cash, important
papers, etc They’d have to be of nylon. It is hardy and hardly wrinkles, it’s
waterproof so there would be nothing to stop you from swimming and taking your
papers with you rather them leaving them stuffed in your shoes or in a hotel
room which any twelve- year- old with a hair pin could break into.
I’m working on the
two opposed concepts of waterproof and washable. Until that’s resolved the money belt
compartments are fully lined in a supple plastic that bends with you and does
not crack or split. And you might use it in place of those tummy reduction
wraps sold in the back of sleazy magazines.
Now the top which
comes with the pants begins as a jacket – sleeves removed – a vest; again, just
for a change the sleeves might be used as a sash to jazz up your miniskirt
or leggings to wear with
shorts. The many pockets, some hidden,
some not, serve as containers for other necessities – folding toothbrush and
hairbrush, perhaps a lipstick
and mascara (since no one knows
you, however, why bother).
The
outfit is completely washable and dries overnight though rust may be a problem.
Additionally, you might have to disrobe entirely to pass through a metal
detector. We are working on a version
with plastic zippers but they are not as reliable as the standard metal ones
and we want to be sure that our travel suit is completely reliable and sturdy
enough to stand up for, say - two weeks
at the very least - daily wear. We don’t want you stranded in Luxembourg with
a broken zipper or a zipper with missing teeth or some part of your body caught
in the teeth.
We have an online
help site which will provide all the information you may require, and an 800
number for those who left their laptops home. Just throw a change of underwear
in your pocket and you’re ready to travel extra light.
The ensemble comes
only in a darkish ecru or beige and is
lightweight, non fading, completely durable.
Black is dull and picks up every piece of lint or grime anywhere. Beige,
however, is equally boring across cultures, and therefore totally acceptable
for all occasions.
Accessories
include a matching fanny pack which opens to accommodate purchases although you
might just ship them home for carefree climbing through cobbled streets.
Imagine how easily you’ll trail through the
cathedrals and tourist traps of Europe. If a snotty guard at the Vatican tells you no
slacks – voila! Zip for him. If someone gets cranky because you are not
wearing a hat in a church – zip one on.
And
think of all the tips you won’t have to place in all those outstretched palms
wanting to carry your bags at airports and hotels. No thank you, no grazia, no, no, no.
The entire suit is
also available in men’s sizes with a built in razor disposal pocket. Sizes are medium and large. No small size is available as our research studies have shown
that zipper weight may affect gait. For
Virgos who may want to purchase two suits, there will be a ten per cent
discount on the second. See our
instruction manuals for specialty combinations available using two travel
suits.
Check online at zipponzippoff.com. Instruction manual (48 pages in Spanish,
English, French, Germany and Italian) is included as well as a zipper repair
kit (shipping weight 32 pounds).
